Why there are no Desi Survivors

by Rick Patel

When the producers of Survivor decided to pit races against one another this season, it seemed the day Social Darwinists had been dreaming about for so long had finally arrived.
Now everyone could pop some popcorn, sit back, relax, and root for their favorite racial group as they competed against one another in those intensely challenging and treacherous Survivor competitions – e.g. making boats out of big wooden puzzle pieces, crossing large puddles of water using rope ladders, or solving riddles about Captain Cook.
Surely this would be the provocative twist on a stale formula that would boost ratings, get people talking, and of course, expand the fan base to include non-traditional Survivor watchers, like the KKK.
The Reality is that, well, nobody really seemed to care. Maybe the country really is racist and never saw any controversy. Or perhaps it’s simply that the show sucks and nobody’s watching.
A more pressing concern for us, however, is why in a season about different races were there no Indians included on the show? Where was the South Asian group with a fitting, Survivor-typical name (we’d probably pick“Tata” or “Chaddi”)…or

at the very least, a Sanjay or Priyanka included among the Asian or Caucasian teams? The closest person we got was a blue eyed, commune-raised, boxer/waitress Floridian calling herself “Parvati” – who seems about as close to being Parvati, as say, Angelina Jolie.
Indians haven’t had much luck on Reality TV shows. If it’s not the lack of representation, it’s the lack of success once we get there. Everyone had high hopes for the first Indian couple on the “Amazing race” - Aarti and Vipul. But despite their parents performing poojas for them before the race, they were eliminated in the first round. Then there was the bow-tie sporting Raj Bakta, the half Indian Half Irish, skirt-chasing contestant on the Apprentice whose brief stint on the show merely led to a DUI and a run for Congress.

Of course, nobody can forget that other infamous Apprentice firee - Toral Mehta – “the dumbest smart girl”, as one of the contestants put it, who was unceremoniously fired by the T man for not wearing a doggie costume called “Zip”.
So why haven’t Indian-Americans succeeded in Reality TV, like they’ve done in, say, engineering? We suspect there are a couple of reasons for this:

1) South Asians don’t have the bodies or look for Reality TV just yet. Indians might be good at running around trees in a wet sari in the rain, but desis running around in skimpy swimwear? Survivor is an Adventure Show, not a Horror show. Plus, considering how tan everyone gets on survivor, it would be horrifying to desi parents to see their contestant children moving beyond “fair” and “wheatish” complexioned to “unmarriable”.

2) Perhaps America isn’t ready for a Desi to win a Reality TV competition. Case in point – sure, Toral may have been arrogant and bitchy but to be handed the “You’re FIRED!” for not wearing a doggie costume is as weak a reason as “Weapons of Mass Destruction”. You know the producers were sitting around thinking “ok – there’s no way we can have an Indian American win this – we need to take her out in the quickest and most humiliating way possible”.

Maybe America is still getting comfortable with us. We haven’t exactly been here that long, and we’re notorious for taking full advantage of American resources but keeping an arms length culturally. Plus, when Joe Smith software engineer flips on the TV after losing his job to “Sumit” in Bangalore, there’s no way in hell he’d want to see a desi win a reality competition as well. That’s just rubbing salt in the wound. American Reality TV might be looking for diversity, but we’re a long way away from a desi taking a competition. Until then, our safest bet is to continue writing code, becoming doctors, running motel chains, stealing American jobs and winning Ms. Universe pageants.

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