Krazy Koconuts ...It's Kerala!
We kick off our travel series with the eternally beautiful Kerala. Check out the Lonely Planet if you want details on hotels, restaurants, prices and other crap like that. These tips here are designed to prevent you from getting in trouble and are based off of real experiences from passport-revoked comrades. Think of it as service to your fellow innocent likely-to-robbed traveler…
The DOs and DON'Ts of Kerala
Get an Ayurvedic Massage. Ancient herbal oils massaged by experienced masseurs using traditional techniques aid in pain-relief and boost wellness
DON'T
be surprised if your masseuse is of the same sex. And don't ask for the opposite sex unless you want to be beaten; Kerala hasn’t quite embraced the “other” kind of massage parlor yet.
DO
Enjoy watching Keralites squatting smoking bidis at the local chai kada(tea shop) or engaging in cooling their chai by pouring chai between 2 cups, to rapidly cool it.
DON'T
Squat so low that you ending up sharting.
DO
Ride house-boats in the backwaters. Enjoy the beautiful waters and great food.
DON'T
Go skinny-dipping off the boat unless you’re drunk.
DO
Eat!!! Kerala Food - dosas, fish curry, appams, coconut based dishes sometimes served on traditional banana leafs are fabulous .
DON'T
Not all coconut-based fare is good for you. Don’t check out any shops marked "Toddy" or "Arrack" unless you're into methanol-laced coconut booze, and enjoy chronic diarrhea.
DO
Be open to the Kerala way of eating food with their hands. Try not to recoil in fear when balls of rice are hurled into people's mouths and rice pudding is drunk straight from the leaf/plate or by pouring it into the mouth through a straight line from hands down to the elbow
DON'T
Be surprised if you can't find a fork and knife. The nearest silverware store is in Bangalore.
DO
Try out the different arts and crafts and clothing stores. Kerala is well known for its traditional dress and customs.
DON'T
Wear a mundu (form of dhoti) without a belt unless you’re into public exhibitionism.
DO
If you have a trusted friend who can speak in Malayalam, let them do the bargaining.
DON'T
Be surprised if when you bargain with your American accent, prices go up 745% and people are laughing at the $700 mango you just purchased for a “steal”.
DO
Be prepared to remove your shirt (if you're male) when entering a Kerala Hindu temple
DON'T
Visit a Hindu temple if you've got any controversial Islamic tatoos like" Bhutto 4 ever" or "Tipu Sultan was right"
Understand that there are boundaries between men and women and you will rarely see them holding hands or showing any PDA.
DON'T
Assume that 2 guys holding hands are gay. It's very common for Kerala men to hold hands out of friendship. Some may even sleep together but not in a "gay" way. It’s more like a platonic homosexual relationship.
