In his continuing series on dating, marital woes, and other frightful topics on South Asian marriages, Johnny Mehta translates the matrimonial ad...

Translating the Matrimonial Ad

By Johnny Mehta

Matrimonial ads are written by parents for other parents and placed in international publications like India Abroad for parents all across the globe to see. Basically, ABCD parents pay the newspapers to advertise their children in the classified section, just as they would, say, a used refrigerator.
We’ve all written a personal ad at some point in our lives in attempts to locate that special someone who’ll bring us love, joy, and hopefully an extra source of income. This however, is different. Instead of you writing the ad, your parents write it instead with the hope they’ll find a compatible person for you. Compatibility usually means
a) your parents will like your prospective spouse’s  parents and
b) the groom is a doctor/lawyer/engineer and the bride’s profession allows her to return home in time to make chai for the groom.

Here are a couple examples from India Abroad:

Wanted, really beautiful fair conventional, professional/doctor vegetarian, sweet natured, caring cheerful, slim girl 24-27 yrs for very handsome MBA executive Brahmin boy 28 from eminent family, looks very young, six-figure salary.

 

Bengali professional teetotaler for Doctor (MD Pulmonary Diseases) girl 28 yrs 165 cms 58 kg of upper caste Bengali Gujarathi parentage. Correspond with bio-data, horoscope and photograph.

As we all know, phrases in English mean different things to different cultures. This is never more apparent than in matrimonial ads.  They use a version of old British English peppered with South Asian sensibilities that value humility and family above the individual.  This language is cryptic and is difficult even for modern ABCDs to follow. To many in the West, it can be quite often puzzling and even insulting.
To help dispel some misunderstandings about what particular phrases mean, we’ve created the following table:

Phrases in Indian Ads	What you may think they are saying	What they typically mean
“Seeking a homely girl”	Seeking an ugly, boring girl.	A woman who values keeping a home.
“Person must be fair”	The individual must believe in equal rights for everyone.	Needs to be beautiful, preferably lighter skinned.
“Enjoys games”	They have a tendency to “mess with your mind” or hide your underwear.	They like sports. Real ones like badminton. Not just chess.
“Strong family values” or “traditional”	Someone who is conservative or a proponent of Jerry Falwell	Plans on having children and won’t take a year off to go backpacking in Europe or go to all-nude Yoga retreats.
“Seeking alliance”	Looking for NATO or Warsaw Pact allies for possible take-over of the US and Canada.	Looking for the right match.
“Responses from XYZ caste”	The response must be from that class of Indians.	1.) > = That caste or 2.) We are not very open-minded. No Gujarati for a Tamil need apply etc.
“Caste no bar”	Caste required and no alcohol at the traditional wedding.	They are open to all South Asians.
“God-fearing”	The family cowers beneath the table during religious rituals.	They believe in God and probably expect you to do so.
“Good mix of east and west”	Is a DJ and mixes phat house beats with Ravi Shankar.	Indian, born and raised in the U.S. and confused about their identity
“Teetotaler”	Is a circus performer of sorts.	Doesn’t smoke or drink.
“Has a Visa”	Doesn’t prefer Master Card or Amex; might have a decent credit history.	Is not a US citizen or permanent resident; but would be if you married them.
“MNC”	Another degree they have.	“Multi-national company,”
“Only serious minded need apply”	Can’t be fans of “Gilligan’s island” or eat kids cereal like “Froot Loops”.	If you respond, you better be ready to book the wedding hall.
“Innocent Divorcee”	Her spouse died in a home accident, - apparently poisoned - but she was acquitted of all charges in a court of law.	Divorced but still a virgin
“Broad-minded”	Willing to try different things.	Willing to try one more thing.

Most South Asian parents don’t appear to keep a Thesaurus handy so words describing the personality or values of their children are often recycled. This is a big issue affecting both generations. ABCDs are eager to sound, well, human and personable while their parents may accentuate only what they think other parents want to hear. Still, for those of you who do want to influence your matrimonial ad, you might want to consider the following before you do so:

You want to use	What you think you’re  saying	What reading parents might understand
“Fun-loving”	Want to do fun things, enjoy life, care-free.	You’re not traditional
“Adventurous”	Like traveling or trying different things.	You won’t stay at your job so my child will have to support your   questionable “dreams.”
“Mix of east & west values”	Respect both cultures and found a good mix.	She’s probably too American, had a boyfriend & can’t cook.
“ Dietician,” “nutritionist”	Your profession.	You’re going to starve their son with crappy health food.
“Out-going”	Extroverted, like talking to people.	You don’t like to stay at home and clean the house.

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