Desi Kids Help Starving American Celebrities

By Pinky Desai

Poverty and starvation are well known to the children of the Indian sub-continent and many a relief agency has attempted to curb the problem. Now, in a strange turn of events, it seems relief is traveling in the opposite direction – from those very children to starving individuals in, of all places, Hollywood.

 “As the poor children of India, we know what it feels like to go hungry” said Joydeep Roy, spokesman for Children Attempting to Provide for American Tinseltown Idols (CHAPATI) of Kolkota. “So when we saw how thin these actresses and actors were in America, we immediately recognized the problem. Typically in moments like this, some moong dal and thick wheat-based products like naan/paratha or batooras really provide quick sustenance plus much-needed regularity.”

Parth Chanda, aged 7, of Kolkata and member of CHAPATI, related his motivation to join the cause.

 “I went to Uncle Chatterjee's Chai shop because he has tee wee,” said Chanda. “On tee wee it was showing a small bird that looked like a canary that had nothing to eat. Then, uncle said this was not a canary, but Nicole Ritchie. I was so sad!”

Starvation among celebrities appears to be reaching epidemic levels in Tinsel town, as an alarming number of actors and celebrities – from Ritchie, to Victoria Beckham to Carson Daly - appear to be succumbing to life-threatening levels of thinness. As alarmed public health officials and People magazine work around the clock to understand the problem, CHAPATI is doing all it can to lend a helping hand.

“Some paisa I can give from begging to the celebrities” said one young man from Bombay. “And I also give some Horlicks and Cadbury chocolates I stole from the corner shop”

Among several CHAPATI initiatives includes a plan to increase recruitment of American celebrities into Bollywood films.

“By switching to Bollywood films, here, they are free to eat as many sweets like ladoos and jilebis on the set as they want, be as pleasingly plump as Kareena Kapoor, and they will still be loved - so long as they can manage to run around in the rain and shake their head using their neck”, said Roy.

The organization also is also apparently trying to work with relief concert mogul Bob Geldoff for a potential “Feed Starving American Celebrities” concert to be held in Mumbai.